Monday, 26 September 2016

Why Getting Married Isn't The Best Day of Your Life



Hello Everyone,

It's been a little while since I posted an in depth musing so if you're interested to see why I'm ripping apart wedding days, sit back, grab a cuppa and let's begin.


It was a normal day, I was preparing some side veg for a curry dish I'd been working on for the last hour or so and my laptop was playing me some background episodes of trashy TV shows (because I do have a penchant for such things), when I heard it:

This is supposed to be the best day of my life you b*stard!!!

A cursory glance showed me an anguished bride enraged about a hot air balloon caper and it got me thinking... Is your wedding day the best day of your life?

No.

Now I don't wish to offend any of you who disagree, I know many of you will have loved your wedding day and will firmly remember it as the best day of your life (and that's great, we're all different and we all have different experiences) but here's why I don't go all hearts and melting about wedding days.

The wedding day is usually the end result after planning, stressing and possibly crying for around a year. There's food to pick, flowers to choose, invites to sort (shall we invite cousin Hugh... I've never met him but I once met his Mum's sister's hairdresser and so he might expect an invite or we might be seen to be snubbing Aunt Valerie's second marriage?)
Then let's not even get into the cost, I went into a cake makers and asked for a two tiered chocolate cake, she thought it was for a birthday but when I stupidly told her it was a wedding cake so I'd like flowers not numbers on that bad boy she suddenly added an extra two hundred pounds! And it's not just the cake lady, the flowers cost more than 3 months food budget and it spirals on and on, luckily I was one of the first of my friends and school mates to get married (I got married very young) and so I didn't have a lot to compare it to but I've noticed that with each subsequent year on Facebook, the weddings get more and more extravagant and I've been privy to talks such as:

Well Laura had a stately home and doves so I'm going to have a castle, a horse drawn carriage, a veil made by blind virgin nuns and a talking unicorn at my wedding, wait till Laura sees the pictures!

Laura, of course, isn't invited due to the fact that she slept with the brides ex boyfriend eight years ago when they'd only dated for three days when they twelve anyway.

Then there's the expectation, the knowing that your dress better be flipping amazing and licked on by kittens because if not, you know the cousins you didn't want to invite will be secretly whatsapping pictures of it with bitchy little captions before you've even had the chance to say "I do"

The party after is usually a fun affair (I mean of course it is, you've had to spend hundreds on food and drink for people, half of whom you don't even like) but can you really enjoy it? There's circulating to be done, there's pervy uncles to avoid and family members to keep apart (your mother never did quite forgive the grooms mother for snorting at her new hairdo) all whilst trying to remember to have

THE BEST EFFIN' DAY OF YOUR LIFE!!!!

So is it all worth it? Personally I don't think so because although my wedding day was ok, I'm not a party person, I didn't want to make small talk I wanted to eat that chocolate cake!

I can happily say my wedding day wasn't the best day of my life, the real best days of my life have happened way after my wedding day, the best days of my life have been amazing times I've spent with Mr Sparkles (and more recently, Baby Sparkles) and when I look back on days that have left me with the happiest memories they've been days that involved just the two of us (or three) when I've not had to put on a show and entertain everyone because I'm led to believe that will be the highlight of my existence.

I sometimes feel that this pressure stems back to the days when a woman's whole point in life was to secure herself a fella so that she could obtain the respectability that came with being a married woman but seriously, don't fall for it, marriage should be about two people committing to spend their lives together, to respect one another equally and to enjoy the good things that life has to offer whilst pulling each other through the bad times.

If you're a party person, if you've been dreaming about your wedding since you were five years old and you've mentally been picking invite themes since your teens then perhaps a big wedding is for you, maybe it will be the day of your dreams.


I never dreamed of weddings, I didn't care about dresses and castles, I never wanted to be a princess for a day. I dreamed of having freedom as a grown up, I dreamed of the house I'd have and of the children I might have, the lovely husband who was my best friend but I never stopped to think about the day I'd become a wife, just the aftermath so if you're like me, you're not a party person, if you don't want to spend close to a years wages on one day and if you found your wedding left you feeling a little underwhelmed, don't stress because the best days come after.

Like when you buy an Xbox one Christmas and spend all day together laughing enjoying being detectives on the L.A. Noire game you picked up.
Or the day you go to IKEA and buy ALL OF THE STUFF for your first home.
The day you laugh till you cry when a frog jumps on your husband's leg when he least expected it or the day you stand there holding your positive pregnancy test waiting for him to get home from work so you can show him the exciting news.

Those are the real best days.

Are you planning a wedding? Are you already married? Was it the best day of your life?

Rosy xx
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123 comments

  1. Thank you Rosie :) it is eye opening :) I have not married but I used to think my wedding day will be the best day of my life. Now I see it is not and that is fine :)

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    1. I'm glad you enjoyed the post Hana :)

      Rosy xx

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  2. Yeah, everyone I know says that. The wedding day is full of things to do, you get anxious about everything, the flowers, the dinner, the cake, the music, your family etc, so in the end you don't get to enjoy your day as much as you want. Great post!

    Yiota x
    Pinkdaisyloves.blogspot.com

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  3. I am not married yet so I cant say but I enjoyed reading your experience :) xx

    www.fashionjazz.co.za

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  4. That's a great post, we can see your point of view about your wedding day!

    www.stayclassi.wordpress.com

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  5. I got married 3 years ago and the lead up to it is probably the most stressful time ever, I had quite a few things go wrong i.e best men dropping out, other important guests announcing they may not be able to come, Mix up with kilts the day before the wedding, it just took the shine off everything. I feel if those things didn't happen it would be one of the best days (not THE best day of my life but one of them)I was still stewing on the day about things lol but I did let my hair down and enjoy myself and it turned out to be amazing but I agree with some of the points you have made.

    gillmclaughlin.com

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    1. It can be a difficult time, my wedding was luckily quite small so I avoided most of the stresses but if I had of tried to have a large wedding I think it would have ruined my day for me :)

      Rosy xx

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  6. Great post and well written. I am not married and I don't want to tie the knot, it's just not for me.
    xox
    Lenya
    FashionDreams&Lifestyle

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    1. Thank you for your comment Lenya :)

      Rosy xx

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  7. I'm not married so I can't relate but it's good information. Thanks for sharing lovely!

    Xo, Maryam
    www.glamandposh.com

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  8. Love this post! I couldn't agree more with your sentiments.

    http://www.kathrineeldridge.com

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  9. loved reading this! personal posts are great and relatable

    This Girl Loves Chic xx

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  10. Nooooo, do not tell me that. I want to believe that this ifs going to be my special day but truth to be told I am stressing out way too much. However I am committed to not surviving this day but enjoying every second of it! <a href="http://www.instagram.com/igaberry”>Iga Berry</a>

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    1. You'll have a great time don't worry :)

      Rosy xx

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  11. Haha I worked at a bridal magazine for years and it is amazing how much effort some people put in their weddings, the upside is it keeps a lot of people employed. But the best day of your life? Hmm not sure about that one. A nice day but the best ever?

    Allie of
    www.allienyc.com

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    1. Exactly my thoughts Allie :)

      Rosy xx

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  12. I love your post. It's funny how this wonderful union of love can turn ugly pretty quick. :]

    // ▲ itsCarmen.com ▲

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  13. It's nice to read opinions from others with regards to weddings and commitments. Thanks for sharing yours.

    http://theteelieblog.com/

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  14. You are right on LOTS of the points and yes, these days weddings are no longer celebration of live instead it has turned out to be quite the circus, the bigger the better and my friends went deep into debt that she is still paying off until today. It's crazy!

    My husband and I got married 3 years ago and we decided a small intimate dinner with close family and friends. It's our day and we did it the way we wanted to.

    Shireen | Reflection of Sanity

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    1. Yeah the debt thing is crazy, my wedding was small and luckily didn't put us into debt and I'm so thankful for that, congrats on 3 years together :)

      Rosy xx

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  15. My wedding was a very happy day but I wouldn't say it was the best day of my life because there have been plenty that were even better. For example, the day my daughter was born :)

    Bella Pummarola

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    1. Exactly, these are the really special moments in life

      Rosy xx

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  16. Man I can only imagine how stressed I would be. I'm not married but I think I will elope
    xo
    www.laurajaneatelier.com

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    1. I think eloping is an excellent idea

      Rosy xx

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  17. This post was totally on point. I'm not yet married, and I don't have plans of getting married anytime soon. Lol. But anyway, I am happy that even though your wedding wasn't the best day of your life, still I must say that you have a good relationship with your husband and that's what's more important. :) Also, please check out my latest travel post: Tokyo Disneyland experience + a few tips. Hope to hear from you soon! ♥

    Love, Airish
    Gorgeous Glance
    http://airishabella.blogspot.com

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  18. This post was totally on point. I'm not yet married, and I don't have plans of getting married anytime soon. Lol. But anyway, I am happy that even though your wedding wasn't the best day of your life, still I must say that you have a good relationship with your husband and that's what's more important. :) Also, please check out my latest travel post: Tokyo Disneyland experience + a few tips. Hope to hear from you soon! ♥

    Love, Airish
    Gorgeous Glance
    http://airishabella.blogspot.com

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  19. Was it the best day of my life? In some ways because of the significance I suppose but it was not the party of the year. We chose to do it differently, ours was rather unique and memorable for us. We married in Las Vegas in the drive thru of the wedding chapel on our motorcycle. I had helmet hair and jeans on.

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    1. That sounds like a great wedding!

      Rosy xx

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  20. Even though my man isn't even on the radar, I already know I want my wedding to be low key. Just like you said, it's about the life afterwards. I'm perfectly fine with the backyard party among the closest family and friends. And fairy lights :)

    Ines
    www.lifestajler.com

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    1. Fairy lights sounds lovely :)

      Rosy xx

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  21. I loved this post! I definitely think the little days out and random times with loved ones are the best days. I'm not married yet but am looking forward to my wedding day xx

    Jessie | allthingsbeautiful-x

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  22. Such an honest post and one I can't really give an opinion about, but for me the best day of my life would be the day you meet your special someone. You're never going to forget about it or have 3 x your budget to fork out. It's the thought that counts and the simplicity can be the most memorable day you can have with your partner x

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    1. Definitely John, the smaller things in life are much more important

      Rosy xx

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  23. Honestly, even though I'm not even close to getting married, I completely understand where you're coming from. From the weddings I've been a part of to, to things I've seen and heard, weddings can be absolutely incredible but also super stressful.

    Naomi in Wonderland

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  24. I loved this post! I'm not married but I think this is the best day of your life...
    I follow you now on GFC, I wait back in to my blog.
    Kisses!!!
    Blog: www.newoutfitfashionblog.blogspot.ba
    Facebook: www.facebook.com/New-Outfit
    Instagram: www.instagram.com/milanewoutfit

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  25. I partly agree and disagree. I agree with the fact that wedding preparations are sure stressful! It sucks the life out of you! And then there is the debate of which family members to invite because let's admit it. Not everyone in your family are in good terms wit you. So why invite those who you don't want to see anyway? That sucks! But I partly disagree because weddings are solemn ceremonies where in two people promise to be with each and help each other no matter the circumstances. It is a declaration of your love for one another. It is a very special occasion indeed. This is why I believe that weddings should be shared by two people with the people they care about only. I don't care if my extended family will think I am snob or what. I only want the people I love and care about to witness that beautiful day in my life.

    This is such a good article! Definitely worth reading! :)

    Jenn
    The Pink Lemonade Girl
    YouTube
    Bloglovin

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  26. I'm not yet married but I can relate to how you feel about how stressful they are since I helped my sister with hers and it was just a big extravagant stressful affair for me. I got sick after. I think its best to stick to the essentials and a simple celebration but I guess people get carried away. It's normal and I understand why others like to go the extra mile.

    http://www.pinkoolaid.com/

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    1. I can totally understand it but it's just not for me personally :)

      Rosy xx

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  27. I'm getting married so definitely relate to the stress, who knew cakes could be so expensive right? Guest lists are trickier then they seem too, some people just automatically assume they're invited. I am really looking forward to it but I'm a very introverted person so I think relaxing afterwards will be nice too.
    A Blushing Beauty Blog x

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    1. I hope you have a lovely day :)

      Rosy xx

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  28. I actually never planned to make a wedding, just so get married somewehere far away :)
    http://www.glaringwaves.blogspot.ba/

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  29. I feel the same way about weddings. I like the idea of being married to someone, but hate the idea of a huge party. I'd rather elope! x

    alicered.co.uk

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  30. Weddings can often be stressful events (so many people! so much to do! so much that can go wrong!), so I agree that while it might be a highlight day, it's not going to be the absolute BEST day.

    -Ashley
    Le Stylo Rouge

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    1. Definitely, it's all about afterwards for me :)

      Rosy xx

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  31. I definitely feel the same about weddings, going to be a bridesmaid for my friends wedding next month and I can just see how stressed she is! I can only hope on the day she relaxes a bit, it's always good to have a rational mind about how the day will actually go! x

    emilylavenders.com

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    1. I know, it's such a stressful time

      Rosy xx

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  32. Loving the post so much! Have a nice day:)

    irenethayer.com

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  33. I think a lot of people put too much pressure on their wedding day and feel like if it's not the best day of their life, then something's wrong. I loved my wedding day, but I'd be disappointed if no day after that was ever going to top it! x

    Kate Louise Blogs

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  34. My wedding day was a good day, probably pretty up there with being one of the best days. It was very intimate (we held it in our house with close family and friends) but it didn't end in the best way.. lol.. I agree though so much planning and effort for one day.. Unless you have some major help it would be more enjoyable to take a nice long vacation and elope =)

    xoxo Rina
    http://www.andshedressed.com

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    1. Ah it's such a shame your day didn't end in the best way :(

      Rosy xx

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  35. It was a really interesting reading. I think some people put too much pressure on weddings. I'm single but if I ever meet the one, I think I'd rather have a small reception so there is not much fuss.

    www.mydailywear.co.uk

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    1. That sounds like a good idea :)

      Rosy xx

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  36. Great post pretty!It was an interesting read,The pressure that comes with wedding is just too much talking from experience.

    www.tessyonyia.com

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  37. Never thought it was the best day tbh! I don't get all this planning! If I ever got married I would want it to be as simple as a Sunday night.
    Dora www.BangsBang.com

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  38. Honestly I like it to be married but in sum I'm not a fan of weddings :)
    xx from Bavaria/Germany, Rena
    www.dressedwithsoul.com

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  39. This is so refreshingly honest! I'm not married but I can completely get this - I don't think my wedding day would be the best day of my life simply down to the pressure and I'd worry the whole time about whether other people were enjoying themselves!
    Amy xx
    www.callmeamy.co.uk

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    1. I totally did that, spent ages circulating!

      Rosy xx

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  40. This was such a beautiful post to read and mainly because of that ending paragraph - I can imagine it's those small moments that 'make' a marriage and are truly the best days of your lives together :) Personally, I think weddings have become far too much of a production and a bid to impress people; the day and the time leading up to it is supposed to be enjoyable and relaxing for everyone... and that includes the bride! ;)

    aglassofice.com
    x

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    1. Definitely true, I think these days that brides are under so much stress and pressure on what should be a lovely day.

      Rosy xx

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  41. I really like your honest post about your wedding day - I'm not married yet, but I and my fiance are going to change that for 2-3 years from now, and I'm not party person as well, so I'd rather to have smaller party. And I totally agree with you that moments which were described at the end of your post are the best days of life. :)

    http://crafty-zone.blogspot.com/

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    1. Good luck for your wedding lovely :)

      Rosy xx

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  42. I have never got married, therefore I can't say. I just believe in making every day the best day of your life...

    LUXESSED

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  43. I'm so happy that your best day was with your husband and son... :)))

    xoxo
    www.bellezzefelici.blogspot.com

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    1. The best days are family days :)

      Rosy xx

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  44. This was such a fun read, I must say I loved my wedding day... however my best day was the day after my wedding day. We got to relax and enjoy spending the rest of our lives with each other. Bliss

    Filipa xxx
    PlayingWithApparel.com | Instagram

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  45. Great post, I like how true this is. Gemma x
    www.jacquardflower.uk

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  46. All the other moments you cherish will be even better! Weddings is one thing I've never particularly been too bothered by, having to entertain heaps of people sounds horrendous to me. Enjoying your marriage is better anyhow! xx

    Tamz | http://www.throughneweyesx.com

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    1. I know, weddings just have never been the be all and end all for me :)

      Rosy xx

      Delete
  47. I'm definitely as independent as it gets and don't really care for a big magical wedding, but I hope it'll be the best day of my life because I get to celebrate love :)
    xo
    Siffat
    http://icingandglitter.com

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  48. I haven't experienced this since I'm not married and don't think it will happen soon. This was a fun read, though I can imagine how stressful it must be.

    xo
    www.carinavardie.com

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    1. It is super stressful at times if you let it get that way

      Rosy xx

      Delete
  49. I LOVE YOU FOR THIS! I'm engaged and meant to be getting married next year and I feel like I'm the only one not that bothered about it. Like, it's one day and there's so much else I'd rather do with that money. Girl this post is banging!

    Elle
    www.theellenextdoor.com
    xx

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    1. Thank you Elle, just plow through and when the actual day is over, that is when the fun starts :)

      Rosy xx

      Delete
  50. This is just another perspective, loved reading this. I defintely want to marry but weddings are so stressful. In the end it is not about the wedding, it is about the one you marry and the marriage. I am sure it will not the best day of my life but that is not a bad thing ;)
    Nati xx
    www.simplyartdicted.com

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    1. Exactly, the best days are what come afterwards :)

      Rosy xx

      Delete
  51. I'm not planning a wedding but I know a few people who are at the moment, and this is exactly what they said, that you're so bogged down with responsibilities and expectations that there isn't really a chance to enjoy yourself. I think a more intimate wedding might be more fun :) xx

    Velvet Blush

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  52. Very insightful post! It was an eye-opener and I couldn't agree more. Thanks for sharing this post :)



    Come visit us soon
    xx
    Makeup, Style and Sugar
    https://simpliannie.wordpress.com/
    https://www.instagram.com/ankitabardhan/

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  53. A wonderful post and I totally agree on that! It really stressed me out to take care of all the guests (and we had a small wedding) and I was nervous so that there was less room for enjoying. Wishing you a great Sunday! xoxo

    www.naomella.com

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  54. That's a really interesting post and it's making me feel thoughtful about my wedding too! well, this is not going to be in the near future anyway lol..
    xoxo

    http://www.myinfinitystyle.com/

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    Replies
    1. I'm glad you found it interesting :)

      Rosy xx

      Delete
  55. I really enjoyed reading this post, it's very refreshing to hear a different opinion on weddings. I'm not planning on getting married any time soon but I can imagine that it comes with a lot of stress and I'm not into the carriage and princess theme either. I just want all my friends and family to be there and then I want a cake and an Italian buffet haha. What I love is the tradition of having brunch with your closest friends and family the next day, it doesn't exist in many country at all but I think it's a great idea as it's impossible to talk to everyone at your wedding xx

    113thingstosay.com

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    1. That sounds perfect, I'm not really into Princess theme either

      Rosy xx

      Delete
  56. I will be planning my wedding, because I am engaged <3
    https://natalie-forever.blogspot.com

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  57. Weddings are expensive, from this part of the world, the money spent on a wedding day can be equivalent to that of buying a new property. But i think it all goes down to personal choices with the hope that there are not going to be hiccups during the wedding planning process and even on the day.

    http://deffinatlyshaz.co.zw

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    1. That is a lot of money to spend on one day, here it is at least the price of a house deposit.

      Rosy xx

      Delete
  58. What a beautiful post, I enjoyed reading this so much!
    Thank you for sharing!
    xx Elisa
    Francine's Place | Diy & Lifestyle Blog

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  59. This was a really interesting post to read, I can't wait to get married however the cost does scare me!

    Lauren Ashleigh xx

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  60. This was such a beautiful post lady and a great read! I can't wait to get married although I've already decided I want to get married on a beach with around 20/30 of my closest friends and family there. I don't want the big party and the family politics - it's too stressful and it's so easy to forget that the day is meant to be about the two of you not everyone else!

    Hayley xo
    www.frockmeimfamous.com

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    1. Aww that sounds perfect Hayley

      Rosy xx

      Delete
  61. Thank you so much for this post. Most people tend to imagine a royal affair when it comes to weddings. In my wedding post, I actually did say that you get stressed it's really not that much fun. i'm not a party person as well so having to spend time going through stuff for parties can be really a bore to me. TRUTH!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete

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